Day 991: I don't know where this wave of feelings came over me from

Recently I've been talking a lot about Destiny. I know. I guess I just feel like I've got not much worth commenting on in my life, between work being the inevitable grind, and the continual reminder that there's always things to do, and Tae Kwon Do training being the same as always, there's a lot of things I never feel like I need to talk about, and I'm not making too many new experiences. 

I enjoy my work, I'm studying to move into a quality management role, in a worldwide company that is constantly providing me new opportunities, only last week I was put forwards to contribute to the global pool of auditors within the company, so if an internal audit is required then I'll have the opportunity to visit other areas of the business in different locations around the world. Exciting. The work I do as well right now is tied up in complaints, and improvement programmes, all of which I can't really share the details of because it's not right, and inherently the stuff done on site should not leave the site, so I'm upholding the requests of the business to not write a blog talking about the work I do. I try my best in that regard, as before I was liberal with what I wrote, and now I've certainly reigned it in. 

I've been working hard on music as well, but I never feel like I have anything new to show, aside from when I'm really taking part in Game of Bands, but from time to time I feel like I don't get any support from around this place, and that it's a bit hollow here, but I don't know where to turn to, however I also know that I'm spending less and less time here, and not supporting people here like I should, and as such I respect that I'm not getting out of here what I want, as I'm not putting anything in that's useful in any way. 

My training with Tae Kwon Do has changed, whereas initially it was fast, grading every 3 months, learning a new pattern and theory, and just generally getting better at every aspect, and focussing on practicing the tenets of TKD in every day life, it has now become a slow progression, with a year and a half in between gradings right now. I've only got 6 months to go until the next grading, but after that it'll be another 2 years before I become eligible to grade again. And so, due to this I feel like I have nothing to say, it becomes more obvious when I train, and I like keeping myself healthy, that my abilities are above the average of the group, and my fitness is close to the top of the class, but it feels pointless. I have no drive to compete in sparring, as my previous experiences have been flawed enough that I don't enjoy sparring in a competition aspect, but in club is excellent fun. I might push to compete in patterns soon, but I don't know what kind of level I'm actually at, and what kind of people I'll be competing against. 

I guess this afternoon and stepping into some work that's routine and I've been pushing to get away from has made me think. I want to keep working on my podcast, and I want to keep writing things, but if I were just to stop it all, hang it all up and step away, what effect would that have? I'm not one for self-promoting, so I know in some aspects I'll never get far, and I know I should be doing things for myself, and I am, but in other aspects I feel like I need some form of validation to feel comfortable, which shouldn't be the case. 

So, I've been thinking about how to improve, how to share more widely, and whether it'd be worth it or to keep everything more insular, and not care for views, likes, listens etc. It should never be about those things, but again they mean something to me. 

It's going to be a weird week. 

Have an excellent day! You're all my favourites! 

Peace -x-